Changes in a Life ~ 2

Letting go is a decision ~ 2

Marriage, Affairs & Relationship Discussion Forum ~
My last post ~ 'It is what it is' I say to myself with a smile .... 2-5-06
Coping With Life's Transitions ~
Letting go is a decision ~ 2
Trust ~ 2
Expectations-Boundaries-Accountability & Anger ~ 2
How & When & Why ~ 2
Healing, Forgiveness, Moving on ~ 2
The Sedona Method ~
Toxic & Difficult Relationships -Personality disorders ~ 2
Things to try ~ Things to learn ~ Ways of Looking at Things ~ 2
Metaphysical Points of View ~ 2
Internet relationships ~ 2
Love, Lovers, Friends & Friendship & their Relationships ~ 2
When It's Finally Over ~..OR..~ When it's Over, Finally ! ~ 2
Considerations & Perspectives to stretch your mind ~ 2
The Music ~



The story ' Desire '

A young man asked Socrates how he could get wisdom. Socrates replied, "Come with me."

He took the lad to a river, pushed the boy's head under water, held it there until the boy was gasping for air, then relaxed and released his head. When the boy regained his composure, Socrates asked him, "What did you desire most when you were under water?"

"I wanted air," said the boy.
Socrates said to him, "When you want wisdom as much as you wanted air when you were immersed in the water, you will receive it." Likewise, when you really have an intense desire to overcome any block in your life, and you come to a clear-cut decision that there is a way out, and that is the course you wish to follow, then victory and triumph are assured.
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"Letting Go''  

  • To ``let go'' does not mean to stop caring.

  • It means I can't do it for someone else.

  • To ``let go'' is not to cut myself off.

  • It's the realization I can't control another.

  •   To ``let go'' is not to enable,

  • but to allow learning from natural consequences.

  •   To ``let go'' is to admit powerlessness

  • which means the outcome is not in my hands.

  •   To ``let go'' is not to try to change or blame another.

  • It's to make the most of myself.

  • To ``let go'' is not to care for, but to care about.

  •   To ``let go'' is not to fix, but to be supportive.

  •   To ``let go'' is not to judge,

  • but to allow another to be a human being.

  • To ``let go'' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,

  • but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

  •   To ``let go'' is not to be protective.

  • It's to permit another to face reality.

  • To ``let go'' is not to deny, but to accept.

  • To ``let go'' is not to nag, scold, or argue,

  • but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

  •   To ``let go'' is not to criticize and regulate anybody,

  • but to try to become what I dream I can be.

  •   To ``let go'' is not to adjust everything to my desires

  • but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

  •   To ``let go'' is to not regret the past,

  • but to grow and live for the future.

  •   To ``let go'' is to fear less and LOVE MYSELF MORE.

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Note ~ Scattered throughout all the topics listed on the Menu bar are articles relevant to the process of letting sure to check them all. On the Menu bar, you'll find a link taking you to another board, Part 1,  filled with articles not duplicated on this board (Part 2)

1. Letting go ~ new forms of reality can enter
2. LETTING GO ~ Tragedy or  Opportunity
3. The power of letting go.
4. The process of coming apart is a difficult one
5. Love or infatuation?
6. What love is and what love isn't.
7. How we fall out of love.
8. When it's time to say goodbye - really. 
9. Misconception of Catch and Release.
10.Creating Intimacy, Creating Distance every person in a relationship is responsible for co-creating whatever they experience in the relationship
11.Why do I keep having the same relationship problems?
13. Choice
14. Choice vs. Decision
15.  Letting Go of Fear of Commitment, Of Illusions, Letting Go, Releasing and Forgiving
16. LETTING GO ~ ~  To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;it means . . . .
17. Letting Go ~After breaking up with someone you loved . . . .
18. Do you believe in miracles?

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By letting it go it all gets done
The world is won by those who let it go.
But when you try and try
The world is then beyond the winning.
-Tao Te Ching

Letting Go

Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future. The past is closed and limited, the future is open and free.
—Dr. Deepak Chopra

In practical terms surrender means letting go. Although you don't realize it, reality isn't a given. Each of us inhabits a separate reality. Your mind maintains your personal version of reality by buttressing it with beliefs, expectations, and interpretations. Your mind blocks the free flow of the life force by saying, "This is how things must and should be." Letting go releases you from the insistent grip, and when you let go, new forms of reality can enter.
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 LETTING GO ~Divorce, Tragedy or Opportunity

If you can see the similarity
between trying to run around the bases and still keep one foot on home base and your present situation, then this is going to be the most important getting on with life lesson you've ever had.

Here's the background

      This middle aged lady from Canada came to one of my divorce recovery classes and spoke about her adjusting to the loss of her husband who had died of cancer.

She shared her personal experience getting on with her new life alone as a single person.

       She had gone to private counseling sessions she said, attended self help groups like ours and had essentially done everything right, that you should do on the end of a long term relationship.

       But, she said after two years her life was now mediocre and not progressing.

She was stuck in neutral.

       Here's what she told us changed her life:

       "She said one day I was driving somewhere and for some unknown reason I drove into the cemetary

       "I went over to my husbands grave where I had been coming on a regular basis."

       She said I knelt down and for the first time ......

      "I said good by to him."

       "She said it was like an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

"I had let him go."

       "My life changed completely she said from that day on."

She then went on to relate some of the steps she had taken to a great new start in life.

       Note: We told those coming to our classes for the first time, that it makes no difference if you are going thru the end of a relationship, because of divorce, death or disertion, you will go thru basically the same steps.

      We relate in these lessons, this widows success secrets and others like her.

Poweful techniques they used to get to a good place in their life.

      We pass on to you what worked for these suddenly singled people going thru very similar situations to what you are going thru. Steps in letting go of "what was" and getting on to making a great new part of their life.

       " We did tell the divorced that the widow or widower had a slight advantage: they knew for sure that their last relationship was over, but as you can see they too have to process that fact and get on with life.

       "One more story we ran into on not letting go, that was almost unbelievable, that really brings this up.

       This lady and her three kids were still setting a place at the table for her former husband who had divorced two years before. The thought was he just may come to his senses and return any time.

       The punch line of this story is he had been remarried to someone else for over a year.

       As we said early on here, before you can run around the bases, you are going to have to 100% let go of what was.

      What do you do when your marriage bombs out? You get divorced.

      So what do you do when your single life bombs?

      Some get back together, if they are both bombing as single people, and try it again.

      Some singles in our classes had said they had gone back and retried their marriage again as many as three times.

       Apparently, many not knowing how to make life as a single work and have a happy successful life as a single, conclude, marriage was bad, ..

      but it wasn't this bad, so maybe I should escape from this and see if my ex wants to try being together again.

They go back and try it again.

Then it all comes back, why they split in the first place and they get out again.......

Crazy Making

       This is like cutting off the dogs tail one inch at a time so it wont hurt so much.

       Use the meat cleaver approach,

One fell swoop and it is over.

Convince yourself you are now 100% single.

       Cut off ALL contact with your previous relationship for one year. (only necessary kid transactions)

This is an absolute must, or you are wasting your time here.

      You M U S T close the door to the "what was"

      Before you can open the door to your "Exciting" new life as a unique successful happy single person.


      We have good news for you.......

       The more devastating the death of a relationship was for you the better.....

       Over the long term the person nearly wiped out makes a lot of changes and moves on to a lot better life.

Those with little upset just keep doing reruns and advance their life very little.

       So if your life building was destroyed nearly to the foundation, you now rebuild your life from the ground up, often entirely different and far better then what was. Often moving to a better place to build your new life..

       If only slightly damaged you just repaint and go back to the same life you had before, - like nothing ever happened.

      When you are in this wiped out stage you reconsider, do I really want to recreate my life to where it was before?

Or is this an opportunity to really grow and change my life.

      Detour Ahead......

      You have this void, you are sure you need someone, someone to help you make these tough life time decisions, scary decisions I have never had to make before.

      Someone to replace the over 100 pounds that have been surgically removed from your life..

Someone to touch and be close to again.....

      You are a relationship addict.


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The Power Of Letting Go

By Rebbie Straubing

When the tightly packed petals of the rosebud let go, the rose blossoms.

I have found that confusion often clouds the subject of letting go. Many dedicated seekers of spiritual truth seem to stumble on this point. We all let go naturally to a certain extent. We let go and allow life force to flow. We release our hold and let the divine forces act in our lives. Good always comes from this.

We all resist it, too. We try to control everything. We attempt to orchestrate the divine unfolding from our own personal point of view. Like a fish trying to control the tide, we stress and strain in an attempt to use our muscles to keep life on track. We seem to think it is our job to keep the planets spinning. We try to control the motives of other people. We try to run life the way we think it should be run. Frustration and fatigue usually come from this.

"Don't Let Go!"

In order to disperse some of the confusion about letting go, let's see what's at the bottom of it. Let's look first at why it is so appealing to cling to our efforts to control everything. Everyone knows that if you are holding something precious and you let go, it will drop and possibly break. Gravity has us well trained. You will often hear the cry, "Don't let go!" It is the motto of the physical world and it is a valuable dictum in its realm. If you are carrying a beautiful, handmade ceramic bowl that a dear friend crafted just for you and you "let go," gravity will step in before you can achieve enlightenment and carry you into sadness as you suffer the loss of your bowl.

On the mental level we feel we must hold everything carefully in our minds or chaos will ensue. The grocery list, the meetings, the work to be done, the babysitter's phone number. The list is endless and we hold on tenaciously with the muscles of our minds. In the mental realm, we fear chaos will get us if we don't keep our minds tightly packed.

The Dilemma

So we can see why we don't think it's a very good idea to let go. It seems like it will give us broken bowls, missed appointments and a generally chaotic life if we let go. And yet, we have all heard the very popular phrase "Let go and let God." Similarly, Abraham talks convincingly about the Art of Allowing. In another idiom, Buddhist teachings expose the problem of grasping. We again see the same principle in the teachings of the Science of Mind in the essential stage of prayer marked by release. In fact, it seems most spiritual teachings not only mention, but emphasize the importance of letting go. Is it that they want us to break all our bowls?

No. It is something mystical and profound that they are teaching us. But as long as we keep testing the teachings by dropping bowls and convincing ourselves to "hold on tight," we will never learn the lesson.

Faith in Something Greater

The letting go lesson has nothing to do with bowls and phone numbers. It defies gravity and entropy. The message encoded in the words "let go" is one of trust. When we let go, we have faith that the planets will continue to spin in their orbits without our help.

When we let go we honor the great and infinite layers of organization that hold the universe together.

By joyously letting go, we find that gravity has an invisible partner. And as reliable as gravity is when it comes to bringing things to the earth, its partner is as reliable in bringing good outcomes. It is a force, greater than us, acting whether we are aware of it or not. It acts when we hold on and when we let go. It acts when we are alert and when we are asleep. This force is always moving things in the direction of the greatest good. It is moving "heaven and earth" for the fulfillment of your heart's desire. It is answering your prayers without ceasing. It is, like gravity, tireless in its enthusiastic embrace of its role in the scheme of things.

When we let go of the bowl, gravity gets hold of it and takes it to the ground. When we let go of our dreams and desires, this other tremendous force comes in like a wind. It carries our dreams to fulfillment. It guides our hands, moves our thoughts, leads us to greater and greater fulfillment.

Letting go does not mean giving up. The lesson is not one of learning to live a meager life, satisfied with crumbs. Letting go means, rather than trying to blow in your sails, let the wind carry you and see how far you go. It means rather than trying to manipulate others, enjoy them just as they are and be amazed at how their beauty shines through. It means rather than trying to control all outcomes, make it your work to open the pathways for the energy to flow and see how magnificently your dreams take form. © 2004 Rebbie Straubing

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 The process of coming apart is a difficult one and it helps to understand what goes on.
    The first phase of coming apart we call the:

    Disillusionment stage.

You were always fairly sure that you had married the right person and. now you have decided or are about to decide that the marriage was a mistake, that this wasn't really Mr. or Ms. Right after all.

Previously you had been gathering evidence that this was Mr. or Ms. Right and you held out this gathered evidence to friends and relatives justifying your decision about your marriage.

Now you are doing the opposite--gathering evidence that this is Mr. or Ms Wrong, to prove it to others and yourself.

Things in the marriage have been bad and the trend is not getting better but everything seems to be getting worse.

You had been looking forward to always being happy in this relationship and now you are saying, is this all there is?

There must be more to life than this.

You develop a sense of helplessness and hopelessness.

Sometimes you go to a marriage counselor at this point and there is a slight chance the marriage counselor might help put you both back into the marriage.

Usually by the time you arrive at the marriage counselors one has already made the decision and has gathered enough evidence to prove to themselves that this marriage has died, is no good and they must get out.

Next comes the EROSION stage.

The counseling and the marriage in general are just not getting anywhere.

There is not enough talking between you.

You bottle up things rather than fight them out and when you do store up enough and explode you do not fight constructively.

You tear each other down, chipping away at the marriage and destroying each other bit by bit.

You become emotionally deprived and you no longer, fill each others' needs.

You get in crazy making situations.

An example would be-- -your spouse says "you know that I love you" and at the same time is fooling around with other people,

Your mental computer can not handle this type of double contrary input and the whole thing is driving you crazy.

Next comes your Big Decision stage.

You decide that the only hope for any type of life for you worth living is to get out.

There is no future for me here."

You have a great deal of anger at your spouse for not living up to your expectations whatever they were,

You are angry at yourself and your spouse that you could not make it last when it was 'supposed to last.

You decide, I am going to live before I die and this just is not living, so you make the big decision.

You make the decision to get divorced for the same reason you make the decision to get married,

You feel that it offers hope for a better life.

You still feel a sense of general hopelessness but decide that you have to do something and anything will be better than this.

You have a feeling that you just don't care what happens but this marriage definitely is not it.

You have been saving brown stamps.

Negatives about your marriage.

You have collected so many that you can now turn them in for a divorce.

You make the spouse an ogre to your friends and, yourself, enough to justify your getting out.

Next comes the actual PHYSICAL SEPARATION.

It happens you actually physically separate.

You enter a bewilderment period. Is this really happening to me?

No matter how you looked forward to and no matter what a relief it is, you are still somewhat shocked when it happens.

You now enter an emotional yoyo.

A roller coaster of mixed feeling.

Elated that it's over but you are miserable alone.


You enter the STRESS Stage.

A period of great trauma.

You become under stress for these reasons:

  • 1. You are entering unknown or unfamiliar territory.
  • 2. You go through withdrawal pains from not being able to do what you have always done,
  • 3. Like a drug addict you have a painful withdrawal period to go through.
  • 4. You do everything now on manual (mental process instead of doing them automatically, subconsciously.
  • 5. You have to think about everything you do because your life style has changed so much you cannot do it automatically yet.

It uses much more energy, it has physical manifestations and you just plain overload' your computer.

  • Now you enter the WAITING Stage,
    like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You wait to hear from your ex.

You want to make contact, even have a fight, anything.

You get into legal hassles, then you wait for something to happen.

You wait for new people to enter your life.

You wait for a new job.

You go through a period of grief not unlike a widow or widower.

You try to let go of yesterday or what might have been.

You try to get over your anger.

You eventually give up on "if only."

You eventually learn to stop rehashing (regurgitating) the past and stop worrying about the future and gradually you are learning how to make today a great day.

You get ready to let go and realize you have to say some final goodbyes before you are really ready for some new hellos.

You have already passed the bottom of the "waiting" miserable stage.

Next comes the, COMEBACK STAGE.

You start gaining a new identity.

You are no longer a part of something, you are a total something.

You start to regain a new self-esteem and you start to let go of the "I am divorced and I am a failure" syndrome.

You drop that idea that no one will ever like you again.

You decide that maybe you are not as defective as you thought you were.

You decide to walk out of the scrap pile of human debris on your own.

Y ou do some experimenting and testing to find what is right for you.

You start to decide on what type of new life you want.

You start to live again and then move on to living a better life than you have ever lived before.

One entirely of your own choosing.

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Love or Infatuation?

Infatuation is instant desire. It is one set of glands calling to another.

Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and places about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely.

It might spoil the dream.

Love is quiet understanding and the mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his/her presence even when he/she is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him/her nearer, but near or far, you know he/she is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says, "We must get married right away! I can't risk losing you!"

Love says, "Be patient. Do not panic. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest, you can admit it is difficult to be in one another's company unless you are sure it will end ---- in intimacy.

Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he/she is away you wonder if he/she is cheating. Sometimes you check.

Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. Your beloved feels that also and that makes them even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret later, but love never will.

Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up.

It makes you a better person.

~Source Unknown~

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What Love Is; What Love Isn't
(Author Unknown)

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing
And is your voice caught within your chest?
It isn't love, it's like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them,
am I right?
It isn't love, it's lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn't love, it's luck.

Do you want them because you know they're there?
It isn't love, it's loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
It isn't love, it's loyalty.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
Then it's love.

Do you cry for their pain,
even when they're strong?
Then it's love.

Do their eyes see your true heart,
and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's love.

Do you stay for their confessions of love,
because you don't want to hurt them?
It isn't love, it's pity.

Are you there because they kissed you,
or held your hand?
It isn't love, it's low confidence.

Do you belong to them
because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn't love, it's infatuation.

Do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and
elation pulls you close and holds you?
Then it's love.

Do you pardon their faults
because you care about them?
It isn't love, it's friendship

Do you accept their faults
because they're a part of who they are?
Then it's love.

Do you tell them every day
they are the only one you think of?
It isn't love, it's a lie.

Are you attracted to others,
but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it's love.

Are you willing to give
all of your favorite things for their sake?
It isn't love, it's charity.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then it's love.

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How We Fall Out Of Love

Stage One:

Falling in Love

In the beginning of a relationship the world is great. You truly think that the sun IS shining brighter than before. You notice for the first time ever how absolutely beautiful that old oak tree on Main Drive is. You wake up in the morning with the sweetest feelings of warmth. There is a sparkle in your eyes and a new spring in your walk! You are Falling in Love!

We fall in love with somebody not because of who they are but because of how they make us feel about ourselves. They are attracted to us so therefore we suddenly feel very attractive and grow in our self-esteem. The more they are attracted to us the better we feel, and the better we feel the more we are attracted back to them for making us feel THIS GOOD. In turn, they feel the same feelings and emotions as us because we are making them feel good about themselves, too! What a great cycle of love; we actually fall in love with each other for making us feel so great about ourselves. They show admiration and appreciation for our accomplishments, goals, lifestyles-- therefore we gain a renewed self-confidence and pride, we must be great! They are patient and accepting of our shortcomings, faults, and flaws (they even think our shortcomings are cute!) and therefore we must have over exaggerated our faults and we now find a perfect contentment and acceptance of ourselves. We suddenly feel we truly are lovable, attractive, cute, smart, needed, wanted, special, talented, and just totally awesome! Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could always feel this in love with OURSELVES!!!!????

Stage Two:

Being in Love

Giving to each other, makes each happy. They have made us feel so happy and we want to make them happy in return. We want to assure their happiness to guarantee them in our lives and hearts forever. We delight in showing our love, our acceptance and our appreciation with the other. Their happiness is of the utmost importance to us. We demonstrate appreciation of their impact in our lives by giving them little gifts. We relish in making them as happy as they have made us feel by doing little things for them and caring about them. We meet each other's basic emotional needs. It is in this stage that we start to notice those little things about our mates that make them so adorable! Their crooked smile, the way they walk, the feel of their lovemaking, the smell of their skin, the touch of their hand. "Being in Love" is different from "Falling in Love". We now feel love toward our mates because we appreciate them more for who they are as opposed to how they made us feel about ourselves. We actually become addicted, in a sense, to the routine of them and the familiarity of a certain lifestyle that we share as a couple. We are hooked. We have become a whole.

Stage Three:

Expecting Love

We have reached the stage where we are in loving relationship. We feel safe, protected, secure, content. Our vulnerabilities we wear on our sleeves with no fear of them being taken advantage of. Our emotions are free-flowing, open, and trusting. Yet, sometimes when we open ourselves up to trusting emotions we can get confused in our beliefs that this trust is somehow being violated by our significant other...especially if we somehow feel our emotional needs are not being met or our loving ways are not being appreciated. We subconsciously seek and expect certain proofs, respects, and validations of our feelings. For instance, he wants to go bowling with his buddies tonight and she is nervously fretting over an important job interview tomorrow. He leaves and she mistakingly resents him. "If he loved me he would have known how much I needed him to be with me tonight!" Because she loved the other she had openly gave to him, willing and freely, but now she feels hurt and anger that her needs weren't respected, acknowledged, or important. She has come to expect certain actions from him that reaffirmed his love and made her feel validated, and he didn't do that by electing to not stay with her. She starts to question his love for her...

Stage Four:

Questioning the Others Love Intent

It is at this stage when we are more likely to feel anger, hurt, and betrayal if we feel our needs are not being fulfilled. Hurt emotions overwhelm logic and judgment. We get defensive and egotistical. We are selfish. We start to put ourselves #1 and often feel indignant "If he loved me he would do this, or  not have done that, etc." We start to withdraw  from doing those little things for our significant other, after all if our needs aren't met then why should we meet theirs (This will show him/her how much he/she hurt me!). Even though we may have withdrawn 'giving' we start to expect even more in return. We demand certain signs from them as a show of their love and how much they are SORRY that they have unintentionally hurt us. Our mates, in turn, realize that we have withdrawn our love and proceeds to protect themselves too by doing just the opposite of what we want from them. They withdraw their loving ways, too. Now, neither of us are getting our emotional needs met. The relationship has now become a showdown between two selfish people who's only attempt is to protect their own selves at all costs!

Stage Five:

Hiding From Love

We withdraw from one another, forming an impenetrable wall of protection from the pain. The pain and hurt we feel is from the feeling that we gave of our love so freely, and did not have it neither validated, nor appreciated. In this stage, in order to protect ourselves from hurt and pain,  we become very good at convincing ourselves that we don't need, want, love, or even LIKE the other person. We separate from them, if not in our physical environment, in our mental and emotional environment. We dwell on all the bad things about the other. We may even invent flaws in our mates just to convince ourselves that we don't hurt. If  this stage is left untreated we eventually fall prey to the final stage...

Stage Six:

Falling Out of Love

Our hearts are heavy and empty. We feel betrayed, hurt, resentful. How could they allow such ruin? We do not feel good about ourselves. The sun has stopped shining, the old oak tree is wicked looking, with gnarled twisted branches, your eyes have dark circles under them and there is a dragging shuffle in your walk. You have fallen out of love.

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 When it's time to say goodbye - really. 
 You both care deeply about each other, but something's not quite right. Neither of you wants to end the relationship, but for some reason one or both of you aren't quite getting your needs met.

It could be that one of you wants more than the other can give, it could be due to a long distance relationship, or it could be that one of you wants to change the other. There are many things that can disrupt a really good relationship, but once this disruption occurs, it's not easily forgotten, unless things do change.

This kind of situation is a painful and upsetting experience for both. I've been on this merry go round three times, and each time I didn't try and get off because I didn't want to deal with the pain it was going to cause me. Especially when the rest of the relationship was going so well. But the longer you stay on this roundabout the more it ends up hurting.

Recently I had the same thing happen again, we were both happy being together, but he never had time to see me due to his work hours. I understood that this problem was not going to go away. And for once I took control. As much as I loved being with this man, I wasn't going to compromise my life, or who I was, as well as waiting and hoping that things would become better. So I took the long road. I walked. I did it calmly, rationally, and with dignity (well there were a few tears spilt, but I wasn't hysterical, so I think that's acceptable). There were no fights, no arguments, just a felling of sadness from both parties.

This is the first time I have tackled a great, but just not quite right relationship this way. It was difficult walking out of the door once I had made up my mind (I have to admit, the first time I brought it up and said it was over, I drove straight back to his house). But a week later when we were having dinner 'as friends', I found myself kissing him passionately in a restaurant. We went back to his house, watched a movie like old times, while he kept telling me he liked this "spending time together broken up".

I realized it was bordering ridiculous. How many times was I going to drag out the inevitable? I almost stayed the night, when somehow from somewhere, this common sense, which I'd never experienced before said "get out of here now, this could go on for months, 'pretending' that we're not together when we were." Somehow I managed the strength to stand up, walk down the stairs and say goodbye. It hurt, and it was hard. But once in the car driving home, I knew I had made the right decision. I felt sad, yet strong and empowered. I knew I wouldn't allow myself to be put in that situation again.

What amazed me the most, this action had taken me ten years to learn. I think that's why I was finally able to do it. At 28 years of age, I really don't have the time to muck about in a relationship that was not meeting my needs. By this age I really should have learnt a few things, such as the saying "If nothing changes, nothing changes". I guess it was ME that had eventually developed an enormous amount of self-respect when it came to men. I was no longer going to be the one who just couldn't let go when I knew it wasn't going to work, even when things were near to perfect. If the imperfection in the relationship is bothering you a lot, near to perfect is not good enough. When you go back for more, (and more and more) the heartache becomes unbearable. And I felt I couldn't do it to myself again.

So the moral of this story girls, is don't be second best, don't let a relationship take over your whole world, when you know the best thing to do is walk away, even if you believe that this man is your soul mate. If he is, then I strongly believe your turn will come around again, once you've both grown. But never, I repeat never place yourself in a relationship where you are not satisfied and are compromising your own needs (although, make sure your expectations are realistic).

This time round, as much as I still hurt, I feel strong. I haven't gone back crying on his doorstep, telling him I'd made the wrong decision (only to end it a week later). Remember the saying your Mum always said "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't it never was". That saying use to annoy the hell out of me, now it just makes me smile. You never know what's around the corner, and it's best not to sneak a peek, because the unexpected could be amazing, and isn't the element of surprise the best part?

- Louise Ganey
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Copyright, Henry Velez 1996-2001.

I really enjoy a good love ballad. Any good, sappy love song actually. Believe it or not James Brown has a beautiful ballad titled, "Try Me" that just gets me every time. Perhaps you've heard it. But there's one group of love songs that trouble me every time I hear them. They usually have lyrics along these lines;

"Please release me... / let me go.. / 'cause you don't love me.. anymore";

"..unchain my heart", you get the idea.

Now if these were just songs we enjoyed and it went no further, then fine. But unfortunately they either reflect or reinforce the idea that in order to break up with someone we need their cooperation, or even permission in some way. What troubles me about this is hearing women say how unhappy they are in a relationship yet, when I ask them, "Have you considered breaking up with him?" Their response is not always a simple 'Yes' or 'No'. Instead it's considered a rationale response to simply say, "He won't hear of it." or "He doesn't want to talk about it."

Now, just to clarify a bit, I don't believe in just casually disappearing out of someone's life either. The primary recourse in an unhappy relationship to be to discuss out the problems involved and work together to be more giving and considerate of each other. But when the very issue of communication, cooperation or consideration are lacking to begin with, trying to talk out the problem becomes a problem in itself.

But when a person has finally reached the end of their rope and things just don't show any promise of getting better due to the unwillingness of the other partner I believe it's then time to make one final, clear statement of things and, if there is still no genuine effort to make things better, simply inform the person there is no longer an exclusive status to the relationship. "It's over, I hope we can stay friends. I'm informing you, not asking you."

I say this because I've seen too many good-hearted men and women wait and stew for an agreement from their uncooperative, unloving mate that it's time to break up. Unlike beginning a relationship, ending one does not require mutual effort. In the meanwhile time passes and the unhappy member learns to simply lower their expectations of what they originally wanted in a relationship.

Here is where I'd like to back-track a bit and look at part of what makes a relationship an attractive idea to begin with. It is in our nature to have two specific needs fulfilled. The need to give love and the need to receive love. Mother Teresa once said, "Leprosy is not the greatest plague of mankind.. it is instead to go through life unloved." So when we meet someone with hopes of a healthy relationship, it is these two things; giving love and receiving love; that we hope to find available.

If, as time passes, it is discovered that this person we've met has the willingness to receive all the love we are willing to give, but is lackluster in their own enthusiasm to give any love back.. I believe it's perfectly proper to stop and say, "I love you, but your behavior is unacceptable for this deep a relationship." With acquaintances, friends, family it's easier to give once in a while in a much less intimate way even if they do not reciprocate. We may not like it when they don't, but the relationship is not as close as the exclusive one between one man and one woman. If stopping the show with our beloved and making our unhappiness clear to them isn't enough to stir them from losing us, it's quite possible thiers is only an endeared affection they have for us.. but not sacrificial love that seeks the pleasure of the beloved.

In love, it is our joy and responsibility to give in the way we relate to our beloved. But love is not -all- a matter of us giving. In seeking the best for our loved one we must take the initiative to let them know that they do this love an injustice by living with a selfish stance. And so it is that we must not only give love, but also accountably require it of the one that would stand so near to us and whisper, "I love you." We must do it to keep love balanced, to maintain our self-respect and for the betterment of the one we love.

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* Depending on what you are creating will determine your decision for letting go or not. PDPJ ~~
 Creating Intimacy, Creating Distance
At the RELATIONSHIP INSTITUTE, we believe every person in a relationship is responsible for co-creating whatever they experience in the relationship.  If you are in a relationship, review the two lists below and see what you are creating more of:  intimacy or distance.   If you want to create more intimacy, this list is a good guideline for how to do so behaviorally.  If you are unable or unwilling to do the things on this list consistently, you may need help in learning how to do so, either through Individual Therapy or Couples Therapy.


  • regular, consistent attention for one another and the relationship

  • respect for one another and the relationship

  • regular healthy verbal communication

  • regular physical contact (frequency and type mutually agreed upon)

  • frequent eye contact -passion, excitement and fun together

  • promotion of physical and emotional safety at all times

  • spontaneous surprises on occasion

  • regular expression of caring & tenderness as defined by your partner

  • regular expression of feelings

  • using conflict resolution skills when conflict emerges

  • creating regular time alone together, without distraction

  • anger and resentments expressed and resolved

  • realistic expectations which are regularly communicated

  • asking for what you want

  • saying and/or doing what is truthful and honest for you

  • being honest and straightforward with your partner

  • acceptance of your partner's personality and characteristics

  • promoting your partner's growth as an individual

  • taking responsibility for your relationship/life problems

  • understanding the impact of your family of origin on your relationship

  • taking the time to listen to what your partner thinks and feels

  • living in the present and envisioning a positive future together

  • emphasize solutions and positivity



  • lack of attention to one another and the relationship

  • lack of respect for one another and the relationship

  • lack of healthy verbal communication

  • lack of physical contact

  • lack of eye contact

  • lack of passion, excitement and fun together

  • verbal, physical and/or emotional abuse

  • predictable, routine interactions

  • few expressions of caring & tenderness

  • unexpressed feelings

  • avoiding conflict or avoiding resolution of conflict

  • avoiding time alone together

  • presence of unspoken or unresolved anger and resentment

  • unexpressed or unrealistic expectations and assumptions

  • being afraid to ask for what you want

  • saying and/or doing only what you think your partner wants

  • lying, deceiving, game playing, passive aggression

  • trying to change your partner's basic character

  • stifling your partners' growth as an individual

  • blaming your partner for most or all of your relationship/life problems

  • ignoring the impact of your family of origin on your relationship

  • assuming your know what your partner thinks and feels

  • living in the past

  • emphasize problems and negativity

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1) You have to create your vision:
---1) Desire your vision with all your heart.
---2) Believe in your vision with all your heart.
---3) Vividly imagine your vision, (you live it in your mind before you live it in your life).
---4) You have to enthusiastically talk about it all the time.
---5) It has to be a do or die attitude!!!

2) You have to fight for your vision:
---1) You'll meet people in your life who will try to steal your vision from you, so you have to stand strong when people do that or they will steal it from you.
---2) You'll have obstacles get in the way of your vision, you may have to take detours in your life, but don't let them become dead-end streets!!

3)You have to sustain your vision:
---You have to be consistent and persistent in whatever field your vision is in.

4) You have to enjoy your vision:
---At this point you've done the work therefore you are enjoying the rewards that you are reaping.

4 vision-levels of people

1) Some people never see it. (They are wanderers)
2) Some see it but never pursue it on their own. (They are followers)
3) Some see it and pursue it. (They are achievers)
4) Some see it and pursue it and help others see it. (They are leaders)

Successful leaders see on 3 levels:

Level 1) Perception: Seeing what is now with the eyes of reality.
Level 2) Probability: Seeing what will be with the eyes of discernment.
Level 3) Possibility: Seeing what can be with the eyes of vision.

A FUTURIST lives on level 3.
A FORECASTER lives on level 2.
A FOLLOWER lives on level 1.
A LEADER lives on level 3, leads on level 2, listens on level 1.

If you sow a dream, you'll reap a vision
If you sow a vision, you'll reap an action
If you sow an action, you'll reap a habit
If you sow a habit, you'll reap a character
if you sow a character, you'll reap a destiny
if you sow a destiny, you'll complete your vision.
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 by: Louise LeBrun & Gwen McCauley

The toughest part of life - whether personal or professional - is making the right choices. We teach our children that smart choices make for successful lives. Is that just empty rhetoric? Or do we really know how to make those smart choices for ourselves …at work and at home.

In the cause/effect equation of life, cause is a more powerful place to stand. For many of us, our experience of work is that we are at the effect of (or victim to) the system. Being at the effect of something implies that we are without the capacity to choose; without the ability to cause something to take place and are at the mercy of the choice someone else has made. The capacity to choose implies the presence of power. And yet, the power is not in the choice itself but in the process of the choosing.

The power does not reside in the end result of the choice but in the ability to choose again, and again, and again …allowing each subsequent choice to reflect new information, new experience and new wisdom. We sometimes make choices and then believe that we must now lie forever with that choice; that we cannot change our minds and choose again, or choose differently. And yet, movement is a sign of life. Each subsequent choice allows for the movement that is required in order for us to get on with our lives; to grow; to create new things to experience. Without movement, there is no indication of the presence of life. Without movement things eventually die. With the power of choice comes the experience of creating. With the power of conscious choice comes the awareness that we have always been creating - and can choose to create again and restructure our worlds.

The key to living at cause is noticing our response and deciding whether it gives us power or keeps us victims. When I think, "My team is making me do things I hate" "My boss is making me work too much overtime", and so on, I ask myself: how does being a victim serve me? What rule do I have that says I have no choice? What responsibility am I avoiding? Who would I become if I spoke my truth about this?

More choice begins by noticing what I say that gives power to others. I write those down. Then I practice responses that let me live at cause …and I notice the fear that brings up.

Dr. Victor Frankl survived the Nazi death camps by discovering that he ultimately had choice in his emotional response to what was done to him. Do you or I have any less choice?

This article was originally published in Australian Business Magazine, October 2001 issue. You may reproduce it in its entirety with appropriate acknowledgement of the authors.

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Choice vs. Decision - By Steve Rogers & Danish Ahmed

Who is in charge of my life?
If I was in charge, would I not achieve
at least those things that are attainable through effort?

It's one thing to give away to destiny and unknown forces,
those things where other forces have say,
but what about those things that simply require effort?

Is it not, simply, a decision?
When no other forces have say, is it not simply your say that has power?
You're the only one who can make it happen, or not.

So, how do we take that available power,
and at least choose to turn those things that are in our power,
into our reality?

The distinction between choice and decision,
is the one that fuels
the distinction between plan and program.

The choice is the plan, the decision is the program.
The choice is the dream. The decision is the action.

Choosing implies opening a door and seeing what happens.
Deciding implies giving something up and receiving
something in return.

With a choice comes possibility.
With a decision comes commitment.

There are two ways to live.
Avoiding decisions, or embracing them.
A decision has no power until it is embraced with integrity.

If we can decide something one day,
and the next day we can undecide what we decided,
we have no power in our life,
we have no power to choose our path.

For choice to flourish, decision must flow through.
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Relationship Advice: 3 Kinds of Love
By Jeff Herring

There are three kinds of love:

love as a feeling, love as a decision/choice, and love as an action.

The confusion of these three kinds of love is the cause of much needless pain and suffering.

In an attempt to clear up this confusion, let's take a closer look at each of these three kinds of love.

Love as a feeling.

Oh, what a feeling. Let's face it, falling in love feels great. So does being in love. Throughout the centuries, poets, writers and singers have all extolled the glories of being in love.

Only problem is that it doesn't last.

Sorry to bring you back to Earth with such a jolt, but let's be honest. The emotional high that we feel just doesn't last on a day-to-day basis.

Remember the phrase "and they lived happily ever after"? Even though this phrase can be found at the end of most fairy tales, our culture seems to have accepted it as fact.

"Well," you might be saying at this point, "aren't we sounding cynical today." Maybe so, but if you'll hang in there with me, reader, it's going to get better really quick.

It's natural and normal for the feeling of love to ebb and flow in a relationship. That's why it's so important to understand that in addition to love as a feeling there are two other kinds of love.

Love as a decision/choice

Love is also a decision and a choice. There are times when we do not feel like loving in any way. In relationships, however, we are called to love even when we don't feel like it (sometimes especially when we don't feel like it).

Authors Gary Smalley and John Trent said:

"Every enduring marriage involves a commitment to an imperfect person."

What this means on a day-to-day basis is this: We may sometimes say to ourselves when thinking about our partner,

"You know, I really don't like you very much today."

Then this needs to be followed by, "and I'm going to love you anyway."

The choice and decision to love, even when we don't feel like it provides the sense of security necessary in a relationship to make it through the inevitable rough waters.

Love as an action

In addition to being a feeling and a choice, love is also a verb.

We can have the feeling of love, we can decide to love, we can understand all that there is to understand about our relationship, but we won't get very far until we take action.

Some couples I have worked with are very good at describing what is wrong with the relationship and/or the other person. It reminds me of what actor and comedian Lily Tomlin once said:

"I personally believe we developed language because of our deep need to complain."

One of the biggest myths about marriage goes something like this:

"If you really loved me, then you would (know what to do, know what to say, know what I like, etc.)."

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Instead of complaining about our partner's behavior, we can simply ask for (request) what we would like. Sometimes that will be a request to do something. Other times it may be a request not to do something.

It goes something like this:

"I would like you to (fill in the blank)."

Then your partner gets to say either "Yes, I can do that" or "No, I won't do that, because (fill in the blank). What else could I do that would meet that need?"

In this way, we can put hands and feet onto the feeling of love. The really curious thing is that when we decide to love and take action in this way, it can lead us back to that feeling of love.

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 Letting Go of Fear of Commitment

For Those who are frozen in indecision, reluctant to let go of the known and afraid to reach out for the experiences that will allow them to grow and experience life. When we are faced with the prospect of committing to a person, thought or situation, we may freeze up in fear that we are not able to measure up to the challenges of a situation. This helps restore your image of yourself as competent and in control of your destiny and, therefore, capable of handling the situations that will arise. It helps you to elevate your perspective and to see things in a wider light rather than the tunnel vision of your own ego. It is from this enlarged perspective that you are able to see that you are able to handle the situation and allow your imagined fears to evaporate or be confronted in rational discussion.
 Letting Go of Illusions
Life is full of the illusions you are unwilling to bring into the light of your awareness. This can help remove the veils you use to shield your consciousness from so that you are able to deal with situations honestly and in loving awareness.
Letting Go, Releasing and Forgiving
For those caught up in a cycle of blame and judgment that prevents them from experiencing the love and joy in their own journey. This enables you to break the shackles that bind you to the lessons you have gained from the experience and to forgive all of those (including yourself) that helped bring home the message. With the shackles cut, you are free to reach out with both hands and embrace a world of new possibilities.
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By letting go, we actually allow more
of the mystery of life to come in for us.
By Leslie Karen Lobell, M.A.

Isn't that what we wanted all along
Freedom like a stone
Maybe we were wrong
But I can say goodbye
Now that the passion's died
Still it comes so slow
The letting go

Excerpt from the song, "The Letting Go"
Written & Performed by Melissa Etheridge
Letting go. It is difficult for us in so many ways and on so many levels. Yet life calls upon us to do it, over and over again. Letting go is part of our growth process. We cannot move on to the new while continuing to cling to the old.
There come times, in the context of love and romance, when we must learn to let go. For some of us, as described in the song, we must let go of a past romantic relationship. Maybe the relationship was not meant to be: perhaps it was hurtful to us, or perhaps it was hindering the personal or spiritual growth of one or both partners. In this case, even when there may still be feelings of passion, or attraction, or just the comfort of the familiar, we must be strong in letting go of something that is unhealthy for us. … Perhaps we have no problem leaving the person behind, but we continue to harbor animosity. In this case, we need to let go of the anger: holding onto anger does not serve us - and it might even serve to create problems in our physical health or emotional well-being. … In the realm of romantic relationships, some of us need to let go of unrealistic expectations. Whether we have idealized a past relationship or just read too many romance novels, some of us need to let go of the myth of the perfect lover: the fantasy of a relationship that requires no work and just brings us "happily ever after." By letting go, I am not implying "to forget" or "to ignore." By all means, we should carry with us the happy memories and the lessons we have learned from our past relationships. However, we need to let go in the sense of releasing emotional baggage we may be carrying around with us, so that we may be open to, and present for, a new relationship.
Some of us have difficulty letting go of a friend or loved one who has passed away. I have known mothers who have lost a young child who never seem to cope with this loss, emotionally: they carry it with them for years, like a dark and ominous cloud that -- even on a sunny day - looms on the horizon. Children can have as hard a time losing their parents, even when the parents have lived long and full lives. Often adult children who have lost a parent before working through interpersonal issues, or before having an opportunity to say goodbye, have difficulty letting go of unresolved issues or guilt. Sometimes we may need to go for some counseling or do a ritual (some act with personal meaning) to allow us to release these emotions.
Many of us have trouble letting go of old ways of viewing people who have been part of our lives for an extended period of time. They may be changing, and yet we do not let go of viewing them in the same way, and/or we try to discourage that change. We refuse to let go of the labeling, categorizing, and pre-set expectations we have of those we know, and of ourselves. This seems particularly true of many parents of teenage or young adult children. Many parents have a difficult time letting go of them as children, and allowing them to grow up. It is hard for parents to make that transition from treating their children as kids, to treating them as adults and more like friends. Many of these same parents have trouble letting go of viewing themselves, primarily, in the role of parent. For instance, some mothers are afraid to let their kids become grownups, because they are afraid to let go of their own identity as "mother." They have become so identified with that one role, that they no longer are sure who they are, outside of that role. When we refuse to let go of old ways of identifying and viewing ourselves and others, we hinder the growth and change that is occurring.
There is a saying: Let Go, Let God. For most, if not all, of us, the letting go that we most need to do is a type of surrender. We need to surrender to life, itself. This means that we need to let go of our illusion that we actually can control most aspects of our lives. In many cases, rather than to fight "what is," we need to learn to accept and to be at peace… Too many of us are trying to keep a tight grip on things that are out of our control. This is like trying to grip the water flowing in a river. Put your hands into the river. If you try to get the water by grabbing it and clenching your fists, it goes right out of your hands. If you relax and open, gently cupping your hands, the water flows into your palms. By relaxing, opening, and trusting, we can hold onto more of what is precious to us. By letting go, we actually allow more of the mystery of life to come in for us.
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To let go
doesn't mean to stop caring;
it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go
is not to cut myself off;
it's the realization that I can't control another.

To let go
is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go
is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go
is not to try to change or blame another;
I can change only myself.

To let go
is not to care for,
but to care about.

To let go
is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To let go
is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go
is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go
is not to be protective;
it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go
is not to deny,
but to accept.

To let go
is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.

To let go
is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To let go
is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go
is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go
is to fear less and love more.

These are the instructions on how to let go...
Perhaps it is letting go of a rebellious child, or a burden of sorrow; losing a loved one, or learning to live with a heartache which we just cannot let go of.

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Letting Go

 After breaking up with someone you loved, even if you were the one who decided to end it and don't feel rejected, you still feel a sense of loss, and you ache for the love you were getting that's now gone. All these feelings have to work themselves out of your system. It's a process you must go through, similar to grieving or getting over an addiction, and some researchers say that it can take up to half as long as the relationship lasted.

However, just as there are ways to make the "In Love" feeling happen (see "Why People Love"), there are ways to encourage the "Out Of Love" feeling as well. Here are some proven guidelines for helping you regain a normal emotional state in the shortest period of time:

1. Make a clean break

Quit seeing your ex, totally. You've become addicted to their love, and the only way to recover is cold turkey. If you keep seeing him or her, it's like a drug addict begging for "just one more" hit. Don't call. Don't "just be friends." Because each time you get close enough to your ex to get the good parts of what you once had, you'll get the bad parts too.

2. Write a last love letter

There are always so many things you still want to say to your ex. Write a letter that says them all and then don't send it. Put it away. Just writing it will make you feel better. You'll be relieved of carrying around the thoughts in your mind and free yourself for new and better things.

3. Make a "hate list"

When you break up, you often forget the bad times and only yearn for the good ones. Before you forget, write down every nasty mean thing your ex ever did so that you can look at the list whenever you start to feel nostalgic for your old romance. (Don't send this, either...)

4. Use "thought-stopping" to combat sad thoughts

If you think, "If only I could get (him or her) back, everything would be all right." Or, "I just wish I could see (him or her) one more time." These thoughts will only frustrate you and make you sad. Stop the unhappy thoughts by keeping a rubber band around your wrist. When you have the obsessive thoughts about your ex, snap the rubber band as soon as the thought starts to happen. That way you'll begin to associate the sad thoughts with the aversion therapy you're using. After a while, the thoughts will stop by themselves as soon as they start.

5. Avoid sad associations

Don't listen to sad songs on the radio. Skip the stations that remind you of your ex. Listen to music without words for a while. Don't go to the places you went with your ex. Put away all the pictures and momentos that remind you of your ex. Put away the gifts you got and even rearrange your furniture or stay with a friend for awhile if there are too many sad memories at home. Stay away from friends of your ex and avoid seeking gossip about your ex. Whatever you hear, you won't feel any better.

6. Find someone new

Force yourself to date. Don't be a recluse. Read "When He/She's Left You -- Coping" for specific techniques which will help pull you out of your depressed state. I know you're not ready to get serious about someone else yet, but it's important to get out and get circulating, and a new man or woman in your life will be a pleasant distraction. But resist the temptation to cry on their shoulder, no matter how sympatico they seem. Don't even start to tell the new person about your ex and how bad it was. Just enjoy the new relationship.
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Do you believe in miracles? I believe miracles are happening today. Life is a miracle. When you start toward Higher Power he/she meets you with open arms and the means to create a miracle. I think they occur when one has been very clear with the Universe about what they want and then lets go and lets the Universe manifested the miracle in its own way. Some times this is called coincidence but it is no conincidence that the very moment you are perfectly clear and let go of the results your miracle happens.
When we expect the unexpected and are grateful for its manifestation. We most certainly get surprises, everyday of our lives. When we take life in hand and become deliberate creators it makes all the difference in how we experience life. In the past we did not pay attention to our thoughts which are constantly creating our world we operated on auto pilot. Now we pay attention to what we are thinking and when faced with a challenge we see it as a blessing. We align ourselves with Higher Power, we thank Higher Power for the challenge, for in the challenge is all the good we could desire. How do we do this alignment we bring our emotions to a place of joy. Now emotions follow our thinking so we can easily think joyful thoughts. Thoughts of joy are easier to think than sad ones. It does not have to be an event that is happening now that we think about it can be something in the past that brought us great joy. Maybe you will think about your wedding day, or the day your first child was born. You felt great joy. Bring that joy into the now. Align yourself with Higher Power and with your intent to create and you become a deliberate creator. You are no longer a victim of life thinking on autopilot, you become the creator of your life.
Joseph Campbell said "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to accept the one that is waiting for us." Einstein said "No Problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it."
First we must be willing to let go. Acceptance has its own transformative magic. Letting go means letting be. To cultivate in oneself patience, tolerance and empathy for the self and the situation. To be able to let go we must have a belief that life has purpose, that there is a Higher Power, and we have access to him/her. We also must have room in our lives for a miracle so letting on different levels makes room for the miracle we are seeking. Also the unconscious mind can not stand an unsolved problem. So if you let go you give the unconscious and the Universe the room it needs to solve the problem.
"The world is ruled by letting things take their course. It cannot be ruled by interfering."
Lao Tsu
…really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.
Generally, speaking, these meetings occur when we reach a limit, when we need to die and be reborn emotionally. These meetings are waiting for us, but more often than not, we avoid them happening. If we are desperate, though, if we have nothing to lose, or if we are full of enthusiasm for life, then the unknown reveals itself, and our universe changes direction.
from Eleven Minutes, by Paulo Coelho

So today as you make the choices that will create your miracles big and small think about some of the ways you actually do create miracles daily. Be a deliberate creator of miracles.
Judi Singleton
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